Our frozen hearts
by Simplicity of me
Summary: one shot-Her heart, frozen, and so is his. Can they save each other or are they destined for other things? (rated- for swear words and mention of sex.


_A frozen heart, repelling all that heard a flame to it, ached with the numbness she had been feeling. His actions had caused her heart to fully freeze, when she had hoped it wouldn't. He thought with his dick, not with his heart. _

'_He was supposed to be my savior" She thought bitterly. Her fingers played with the silver of the blade, the flicker of the candles reflected in its mirror. Her room was freezing, her breath could be seen in a clouded mist. The candles, lit instead of a lamp, gave off an eerie glow to her face, the rest was swallowed in her darkness. _

And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you

_The moans of her father's latest whore groaned through the walls, the bed slamming against the wall. Her head throbbed with the continuous noises but she knew better than that. Ignorance was better than patience, so she ignored. Just like she had been for years, ever since her mother left her alone. _

And everything I can't remember  
as fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means

_The blade flickered between each hand, as her brain wondered through each memory she held. Her earliest, a trip with her parents to a park at Christmas when it had just snowed was her happiest. Back when her mother had loved her, back when her father had remained faithfully and actually noticed her and back when she had a family. She couldn't remember when it had exactly happened. Just that one day, her mother had packed up and left, replaced with her father's fuck. She the funny thing was, she had blamed herself. Her father, for years, had looked at her differently, like she was a problem he couldn't solve. And she took that to heart, each look freezing it more. She was too stupid, too young, to blame the person who moaned each night and day with her father.  
_  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

"_But that changed" She whispered, delving into her early high school days, when she was 13. She was never a happy person, not since she was a child. She it was natural, that she was hanging around people who also felt like her, alone and depressed. And since friends shared everything, as one would say, she found herself joining her 'friends' in drugs, smoking, sniffing, injecting anything that came her way, while her father continued to hurt her with his actions. Her self dignity was gone, her love for anything had disappeared…her heart had been frozen to the moment of no repair…then he came along_

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fucked things up again

_It was supposed to be love. That's what she thought it was. Each touch, each glance, each kiss, each night was better than the last. He took her virginity away from her, something she gave away willingly with the thought that he loved her. She had warmth to him, let him into her heart like no one had before. Because she trusted him, because he told her to trust him, to love him. So she did. And, for a moment, she felt safe, safe from the world's spite and vengeance. _

_But she was just another female on his list, one he would play with until another one came along. And when one did, she was thrown away like last weeks rubbish. Her heart, still weak, was shattered, each piece freezing over in its place, impossible for it to be placed back together. _

Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day!

_For a while, she moped, turning back to drugs to numb the pain. Her friends didn't care, not like she wished them to, her teachers didn't notice. Her being sixteen now, was looked as old enough to sort her own problem. But she couldn't…because she was never shown how. So she hid herself, swallowing in the pity she gave herself all because of a guy._

And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face  
And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste

_He pulled up his trousers, letting his latest girl panted on the bed they had just had sex on. Pushing his hair back out of his face after pulling on his shirt, he muttered a goodbye and let her house to go to his own, driving along the road in his car. _

_He'd have to admit, ever since he had left Pan, he had never been the same. It was always easy to pick up a girl and shag her, no strings attached. But ever since he dated Pan, he always felt a twang of guilt when he was with another girl. For weeks, he had convinced himself that it he had just let himself get too close to her but now…it wasn't the guilt that hurt him, it was his heart. His mother had once said that love couldn't never let you enjoy being with someone else…at the time he was laughed at it but now, he questioned it._

_He had never felt so warm inside thinking of another girl like he did when he thought of Pan. He had never so much pain breaking up with someone like he did with her. _

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me

_He sighed, feeling the guilt wash over him again. With a quick decision, he turned the car around, heading to Pan's house. If he was correct, he could solve this by seeing her. He could convince himself that it was just the feeling of lust he had for her. Snow fluttered to the ground and he knew he didn't have much time until the whole ground was covered and it was too dangerous to drive. _

'_Just a quick visit' he told himself, as he neared her house 'Nothing more, nothing less' _

And it's been awhile  
since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry

_With each memory, that flashed past her eyes, came the pain she wanted to forget. But the only way to forget was…_

_She looked at the knife that seemed more inviting now than it ever did… She had found herself in this place more than once, but before she had a reason to life…now she didn't. Everything in her life that resembled anything good had slipped away…A breath was sharply drawn in, and the knife descended on the one place that caused her pain…her heart. _

Don't leave now Not yet  
There were time we regret  
And I'm sorry  
Somehow  
I only  
Wanted to make you proud

"_Funny, the door is opened" He told himself, stepping silently into the house. He could hear moans from upstairs and winced in disgust. It only fueled his desire to leave as soon as possible. Finding the stairs, he jogged up them, entering Pan's room without thinking of knocking…_

"_Pan, I know I shouldn't be here, but I want to-" He opened the door, speaking to her before he even saw her. He knew she was up here; she never went out and she never sat downstairs. "Apologize because…Pan?"_

_He saw her, faintly in the light, lying on her side, her back facing him. He stepped, slowly, to her, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep. He leaned over her, staring at her face, his breath forming a cloud over her. He leaned on the bed with one hand, but quickly pulled away when his hand touched something warm. He stared at his hand, seeing red on it, even through the dimmed candle light. Switching on a side lamp, he flipped her on her back and gasped at what he saw. Her face, hollowed and pale, stared at him, her eyes opened; not closed like he thought they were. He stared at her chest, where a dagger rested, coated in the blood of the person he loved. _

"_...Pa...Pan?" He stuttered, his eyes watering as he touched her chilled hand. He felt the tears fall, saw them land on her as he cradled her dead body_

"_I'm so sorry" He whispered through his tears, each one falling on her face as he leaned over her. Kissing her icy lips for the last time, he laid her down and turning to leave, turning the light off as he went_

_The candles flickered in her room, its colours glinting over her face as the door closed. His heart broke to see her like this, lying in her own blood. Watching from the doorway, he wiped away his tears and closed the door, whispering something that he should have told her a long time ago. _

"_I love you"_


End file.
